Why am I afraid to die?

Was pondering over this issue: why am I afraid to die?

If I ask myself a question: are you ready to die now? The answer would be a big NO...

Why? the reason is that I will miss so many things. I will miss my job, my wife, my family and all the enjoyment I have in life...I will miss everything. So definitely I want to continue living and enjoy life.

Will I be in the same situation 50 years from now. If I extrapolate, I am sure that would be the case. So don't we need a serious resolution into this matter. I started contemplating on this...

I don't want to die because I am afraid to lose the content of my consciousness. I am afraid to lose everything that I am attached to.

But what if the content of my consciousness is erased and still I continue to live in this world enjoying everything. Is that possible? I don't know. Because I have not experienced it. The idea is definitely entertaining because it puts an end to sorrow and misery once for all and at the same time does not deprive me from enjoying the world.

So if I can live and enjoy the world, without getting attached to anything, then the content of my consciousness will remain empty and the fear of death will disappear because I won't miss anything as I am not attached to anything.

How can this be achieved. Again - no technique. It will happen when it has to happen. If you have asked yourself this question: then your head is already in the tigers mouth. The process of this happening has begun...

Memory - The ultimate culprit

Have you ever asked yourself the question "Who am I". I know this is loaded with ideas from spiritual literature but leaving all that aside, if you ask yourself the question "Who am I", what would the answer be?

Let us not fool ourselves by saying that I am the spirit, I am the soul and all that. We do not know that, nor it is our experience. So for a lay man, what is the obvious answer.

If one investigates into this, one will realize that he is nothing but all his cumulative past knowledge in the form of memory. That includes everything - our guilts, jealousy, anger, desires, hate etc. All that is ME. As a matter of fact, when I utter the pronoun 'I', I mean all that. 'I' is nothing but a representative of my past memories.

This is exactly why, we do not experience anything in sleep. Sleep is a lapse in memory. Its an abyss that gets created naturally in the memory sequence.

So if I am the memory, then whatever I experience in this world is seen through a screen of that memory. I cannot experience anything new, because the memory interferes with the perception process. Perception is always muddled.

Now the question is: how can one be free from memory at the time of perception but still have the memory for reasons obvious. Without memory I cannot function in this world. I need to know how to play tennis or how to go from A to B and for that I need knowledge, I need memory. But I do not want this to interfere in the process of my perception. How can this be achieved?

I was watching J Krishnamurti and he gave a hint in that regard. One has to observe without being the observer. The quality of brain that records cannot be stopped. But the quality of the brain that is passing judgments while the recording is going on, can be stopped.

So OBSERVE without being the OBSERVER and that will set us free. You may ask HOW? But there is no how for this. If you understand what it means, then it will start happening :)

Watch the Movie --- of your LIFE

Yesterday I was watching Dil Chahata Hai. As I was watching the movie and getting engrossed in it, I started thinking about the character Amir Khan was playing and got completely involved in the movie. Then after some time the movie ended.

Later a thought came to my mind. When the movie was going on, I was thinking about he movie. Most of my thoughts were the movie thoughts. It was as if I forgot who I was and started relating with the characters in the movie. But now I am thinking about the myself and the world surrounding me.

So what is the difference between the thoughts related to the characters in the movie and the thoughts related to this identity 'Aditya'. Aren't both these thoughts of similar kind. Don't I get emotional or laugh when certain scenes play in the movie. And similarly don't I get emotional or rejoice when certain events take place in my life.

So is it fair enough the conclude that even our life is a movie. A slightly long movie - longer than Dil Chahata Hai. But still it is a movie.

I found one common factor though between me watching Dil Chahata Hai and me watching my LIFE. That common factor was myself, the witness. And so I think that if I find this witness or know this witness, I might be able to know myself as the eternal witness who is beyond these movies that are playing all the time.

So I decided to dedicate reasonable amount of time in this quest to discover this witness and enjoy all the movies in PEACE and BLISS

I am the World and the World is Me

Was watching J Krishmaurti's lecture yesterday and would like to summarize the content of the lecture....
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We have created all the mess in the world. The human being has created the society in which we live. And if we want to change the society then each human being needs to change. Only the inner transformation can bring about the outer change. Any attempt made to change the outer things would be superficial and futile.

So if the individual needs to change then what exactly needs to happen? Firstly the individual who is fragmented needs to become a whole. Only when we are whole, we become holy. If such a change needs to happen, does this change depend on time or knowledge.

Let us analyze this. If transformation had to depend on time, then it would suggest that the transformation is a gradual evolution. It means that something would slowly change into something else. This cannot be true, because change that is based on time is not a complete change, its an endless process. Hence the change that we are talking of now should be a non-temporal change.

Does this change depend on knowledge? If this change would depend on knowledge, then it would have happened by now. We have plethora of information in our heads but that has not caused a transformation in our psyche. It has added more words but has not brought about a feeling of goodness and peace.

Another important point here is that knowledge is the past. And if we were to depend on the past for a change NOW, then that would be something impossible as when we rely on the past, we are not really changing NOW but rather superimposing the past in the NOW. Thus we conclude that past knowledge is not a means to cause a radical transformation.

So the transformation in the psyche we are talking about, does not depend on knowledge or time.

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This is a catch 22. If this transformation does not depend on knowledge or time, then what are we supposed to do. Opps, I cannot even ask this question as doing is an action where time is involved. And the intent of doing involves knowledge. Both are futile. Will update this blog as JK elucidates more on this intriguing topic.

No Self

Who knows the self
Ofcourse I dont
If someone says he can
Be very clear, he won't

As the self cannot be known
It is not the known
It is that potentiality
Through which everything gets known

It is beyond the triad
It is beyond everything
Because it is not a thing
But the source of all the things

It is the source
The supreme source of all
The infinite and eternal
Beyond the world wall

So the self does not exist
Very contradictory indeed!
But is that ultimate cause
For every word, thought and deed

I cannot know the self
As I am that self
The self can only be
Aware of itself

The Self

Whence from this has come
Whence will this go
Nobody knows
Because there is nobody

All that is seen
Is the seer itself
How can seen exist
Without the volition of the seer

Seer rises with the body's birth
And sets with the body's death
After that there is no seer
Because there is no seen

All the drama of life
Is nothing but a play
Of that indivisible truth
In the form of consciousness

Body is a vehicle of consciousness
Without the body what is consciousness
When the body is not
There is no consciousness

What remains then
Is it nothing
Who knows that its nothing
God bet you, its ME

I am here always
Shining in my own glory
I need no body
Nor i need consciouness

I am not this or that
I dont know what I am
All I can say in words
Is that "I am"

But "I am" is insufficient
To describe my state
How can a experience
Give testimony for existence

Who Am I

A thought came to my mind
Introspection was its kind
I started thinking 'Who am I'
Pondering with a deep sigh

To God, I went and asked
Your question he said was masked
He said it lacked the zest
Let the question become a quest

I contemplated even more
But all I got was bored
I let go everything in frustration
And gave my mind a vacation

Suddenly I realized in awe
The things I never saw
My being was burning with quest
In 'Who am I' I felt the unrest

I approached God once more
To hear the divine galore
You tell me he said
Of what stuff are you made?

Sometimes I feel I am this
Other times I feel I am that
I am utterly confused I said
I don't know what stuff I am made

Ponder little more he said
You will catch the thread
This or that will change in time
Find out who you were all this while

I jumped in joy and exclaimed
Now I know of what I am made
This and that are the objects
And I am the observer witness

Don't conclude so fast he said
Use intelligence as your aid
Witness disappears in sleep or swoon
Its just a finger pointing to the moon

If I am not the subject
And I am not the object
What is it that remains
For me to make a claim?

The witness you are not
The object you are not
You are that declutched space
Which is the supreme base

How to know this space
Oh God, please shower your grace
The more I try to know
The farther that I go

Just don't try to know
Be declutched and you will grow
To experience the consciousness flow
In the divine show

Declutched I try to be
Whenever I remember to see
Waiting for the ego to peel
For the God in me to reveal