Truth, Experience & Understanding

The highest principle to be attained in the ascent of human consciousness is the Truth divine. Truth is indivisible, indestructible and the support of everything that exists in this world and beyond. It cannot be defined because the lower cannot qualify the higher or to put it simply a part cannot define the whole.

The aspiration of the part to merge with the whole is inherent in every action. The individual self is always gravitating towards the Absolute. Irrespective of whether its engaged in a material or spiritual pursuit the individual self is always desiring the truth. In the former its approaching the truth in ignorance and in the latter its approaching with wisdom.

In the process of aspiring for the Truth, the individual self embarks on a journey of meditation where a conscious attempt is made to withdraw from the external and focus ones energy on the inner self. If the self has reached a reasonable level of maturity where it can silence the mind, the self may experience glimpses of the truth divine by its grace.

This experience becomes possible only when the individual self opens itself up threadbare to the light of the divine truth. This experience does not belong to the self but is the nature of the truth itself. Truth when perceived from the individual self devoid of the individual differentiated consciousness (ego) becomes an experience.

The experience due to its power emanating from the divine carries tremendous force and causes a stirring of consciousness that descends in the lower expressions of the truth - in the intellect, mind and the physical consciousness. The intellect gets illumined with intuitions and realizations that enable it to function coherently with the divine will and thus enable the self to ascend higher towards the Truth divine. The mind becomes calm and eventually silent and the the physical body feels rested and in harmony with the physical nature.

It would be foolish on the part of the individual self to define the nature of the experience itself as the experience belongs to the Truth and is brought about by the stripping the individual differentiated consciousness, that does not persist after the experience is over. But the experience does leave its trace in the form of a realization or understanding that can be expressed and consumed for walking the path towards realizing the truth. This understanding is unblemished and pure and guides the self towards the divine. The expression of this understanding becomes possible but its consumption is not guaranteed and depends on the ability of the listener to be receptive to this knowledge from the beyond.

Aspiration and Surrender are Complementary

It is believed in conventional yoga, that surrender and aspiration are contradictory to each other. For e.g. often a question is asked to an aspirant that if he is truly surrendered, what is he really aspiring for? Or rather how can he even aspire or seek when there is surrender. Due to this predominant thought in conventional yoga, aspiration and surrender get divorced and are considered a deterrent force to each other.

For e.g. in conventional Vedanta, santosha (satisfaction) is considered to be a negative attribute for spiritual progress. In Bhakti Yoga, surrender is given utmost importance and any seeking or aspiration is considered a violation of the surrender principle. This hiatus between surrender and aspiration often confuses a sadhak and he/she is unable to set their strong hold on either of these two principles.

In the integral Yoga it is important for aspiration, rejection and surrender to co-exist and compliment each other beautifully and effortlessly without any struggle of any sorts. In this article, I have made an attempt to elucidate how these three principles can operate simultaneously and coherently and thus aiding the sadhak towards spiritual evolution and progress.

One needs to understand carefully the difference between the aspiration of the mind and the aspiration of the soul. It is true that if one is adhering to the principle of surrender, the mind cannot aspire because the mind has offered itself up into the fire of divine knowledge and truth and entered into silence. When the mind has truly effaced itself into the Divine, the Divine provides direct guidance to the soul to move into the direction destined or chosen for itself. And in this process of the soul moving into the desired direction, there will be a subtle knowledge of aspiration emanating from the soul and observed by the silent mind.

The mind does not react to this aspiration and simply allows it to function as guided under the vigilance of the Divine. A silent mind is a surrendered mind as it does not choose but becomes merely an instrument of the soul. And the soul aspires to a wider comprehension and perception of the truth divine. This is when the aspiration of the soul and the surrender of the mind become complementary and function in harmony with each other.

One needs to be careful not to cloud the soul with predestined conditioning, ideas or thoughts that would hinder its forthcoming. A simple conclusion reached by the mind about its own beatitude can provide a false perception of peace and the real peace can never be experienced as all the experiences get filtered by the mind principle alone. The mind has tremendous power to assume, operate and concoct a state of mental peace which is grossly mistaken to be coming from within. This mental peace is merely a product of mental and intellectual understanding of what peace is and how it functions. For experiencing true peace, you need a silent and a surrendered mind and not a mind that functions of conclusions. Only when the mind is silent, receptive and open to the divine force, surrender happens in the mind and the potential for the aspiration of the soul becomes possible.

True meditation does not have a meditator

Reminds me of a quote from Ashtavakra Gita....

He whose mind does not set out to meditate or act, still meditates and acts but without an object. 18.31

I do not see any purpose of meditation if there is a meditator involved. As that goes against the principle of meditation. In true meditation, there is no meditator. There is no one trying to meditate. 

As the quote states here, he whose mind does not set out to meditate but still meditates. This is such a beautiful statement and if you truly understand what it means, you will appreciate its beauty. 

I am not setting out to meditate but I still meditate. Beautiful! 

This is true meditation. Then meditation happens without a meditator. 

So sit for meditation but let not the meditator appear in this process. 

No such thing as Self Knowledge or Self Realization

Now before all the seekers start jumping on me, let me explain what I am trying to say here :)

There is no such thing as self knowledge or the knowledge of the self. The Brahman of the Upanishads or the Self/Absolute of the philosophers can never be known by anyone other than itself.

Because if the Absolute can be known, it becomes an object of knowledge. And how can an object be the truth? So that is ruled out.

But still there are self realized people. And I am not denying the existence of self realized people. But they do not know the self. They can never know the self. So why are they self realized? What does it exactly mean?

I will not give an answer to this question. Rather I want you to contemplate on this question. What is Self Knowledge or Realization when the Self can never be known or realized by anything other than the Self itself.

I will give one hint to a serious seeker that may open the doors to a new realization. Self is beyond time, beyond space. And the mind that is a function of time and space can never know that which is beyond. Only in the absence of the mind, the self will shine forth and reveal itself. I don't know to whom is reveals itself but it does. This is where it becomes impossible to express. No words can describe that experience or non-experience.

Enlightenment is Now!

Various schools of thoughts teach techniques to attain the state of enlightenment. And the assumption is that the seeker will follow the technique with devotion and faith and eventually his effort reaches fruition and the ultimate realization of truth dawns.

One has to be extremely careful when treading this path. If it is not understood carefully, this journey can become a never-ending journey and the seeker can never become free from seeking.

Ultimately the seeker needs to die. As long as the seeker is present, the seeking will continue. And seeking is always in the future. It is never now. You seek now to get something in the future. But Truth is in the Now and you miss that "Now" as you are busy seeking something in the future. This future will never come. As when the future actually becomes the Now, you are still seeking. And this becomes a never ending journey of endless seeking.

Enlightenment is Now. It is in this moment. So don't seek now; cause you have missed the Truth.

Does that mean we should drop seeking? That is also not correct. You cannot really drop seeking. As seeking is your nature. But you can drop all ideas about seeking. All ideas about Truth. And then the very process of seeking is the truth. You are no longer seeking truth in the future. But you are seeking and experiencing the truth now. As Enlightenment is Now, not tomorrow.

Effort Grace Enlightenment

Enlightenment cannot happen through effort alone. But effort is necessary for enlightenment. Because it is only through effort that we become the recipient of grace.

Enlightenment happens only through grace. It is said luck favors the brave. Similarly grace favors the one who makes effort.

You can never really Observe

It has been a notion that one can Observe one's feelings, thoughts, emotions and actions and eventually be free from them. But the truth is that one can never really observe.

Let us say that one is trying to be free from the emotional roller coaster one is going through. And this person decides to observe his or her emotions. The moment you observe the emotion ceases to exist in that moment. As the very same emotion transforms itself to be the observer. Once the observer disappears the emotion sets back in.

You are either the emotion or the observer but both can never coexist. And this coexistence is an illusion created due to thought. We may "think" that we are observing something but there is no real observation. Its just thinking. There can never be observation at the realm of the mind.

When you observe a thing or an emotion with the mind, you become that thing. Lets say I am watching TV. In the moment I am engrossed in the TV episode, my mind is the episode. It cannot stand outside of it and observe it. Once the episode is over, the mind can start thinking about it and in that moment the mind becomes the thought. But there is no real observation.

As long as the mind is present, the observer is the observed or the observed is the observer. Observer is non-different from the observed. And observer is nothing but the grand accumulation of all the things observed in the past. So they are wedded together as they are coming from the same essence.

Transformation not a factor of time

It has been conventionally believed that transformation is a factor of time. We think that by doing some action now, we can become something else tomorrow. In order to transform or change, we believe that time plays an important role and its a process in time that brings about a transformation. 

The ego is a function of time. And ego persists in time and creates this illusion of time. And all our effort has been carried out in time alone. The ego believes strongly that its effort in time can result in a transformation of itself where it ceases to exist. In short ego is trying to kill itself continuously in time.

We need to understand here that ego has a survival instinct. And it can never really kill itself as its against its own nature. It has no gains in killing itself. It thrives on its existence and affirmation of its being. And all spiritual quest has been carried out by the ego. It thinks that its going to achieve something grand, something spectacular. So in this whole process of seeking, the ego does everything else except giving up itself. 

Let me give you an example. Lets say, I tell you that ego needs to give up. And only then realization comes forth. The ego will understand this as a concept, an idea and try to implement on this. It will always ask a question...how am I supposed to do it. What should I do? Give me a task and I will get it done. Should I meditate or should I contemplate or should I try to be aware. And I just smile at these questions as they were my questions too. These are the questions of every seeker. 

And there is no clear answer. All I can say is there is nothing you can do to achieve it. Absolutely nothing. The question what should I do is meaningless. Sorry, you cannot do anything. And this understanding is enough. After that if something happens its grace. If nothing happens, who cares? There is nobody waiting for something to happen, isn't it?

Like to quote the late Allan W Anderson's poem.....

Silent as a petal’s power. Silken as the rain. Love unbinds the ancient knot. Time interlaced in vain - Allan W. Anderson

Right here, Right now..

I was surprised when it was revealed to me that the Truth is right here, right now. It was the first glimpse of the Absolute as it were. And once having been in that wonderland, it comes with a stamp of guarantee that its present always, all the time and beyond time and space. You may call it awareness or bliss but attributes are still a construct of the mind.

Once the gates of the absolute are open, there is no going back. There is no state to be experienced any more. As you are that. The mind just merges back into the source. The experiencer, the experienced and the experience all dissolve into that vast singularity that remains statically ever present. Time and Space consciousness dissolves completely and what remains is the inexpressible.

This was revealed to me on Aug 17th, 2014. All this while I was searching everywhere. I was searching the truth in logic, in reasoning and in my meditations. But in lay mans term it comes as a bummer that truth was right here, right now. Its neither inside nor outside. Its nowhere but everywhere. You can never find it as you are it.

This is just the beginning of the journey. And this journey is infinite. Its not my journey anymore. It is a journey. Its a journey of mankind. And like any other journey, this journey does not happen in time or space. It cannot be experienced. It cannot be expressed. It cannot be described. But it is; and without it nothing is.

Reading - A motivation more than knowledge

After reading all the Upanishads and the Gita and other spiritual and philosophical literature, I was under the impression that no more reading is necessary as I have acquired all the knowledge that I need to and the onus now is to put that knowledge into practice. My observation was or is that I cannot really practice as I keep lacking the motivation. And this motivation kicks back in the moment I try to read again.

Thus I realized that reading has to be continued. It is no longer a tool for knowledge but a tool for motivation. For the mind to soar into the lofty heights of the higher planes of consciousness, a continuous dose of spiritual reading is necessary.

Even if one spends 10 mins in a day reading the same truth over and over again, it will help. For that reason, I have written on my office room whiteboard the following words....."House is on Fire. You are That". So that every time I look up, I am reminded of the urgency of the situation and my true nature. 

Time is always Victorious

Sometimes we are faced with challenges in life where we struggle to make things right but unfortunately we are not able to. We try and try and try; and in the process of trying we exhaust ourselves completely. We might see some ray of hope or try to sugar coat the problem temporarily but the problem strikes back with venomous force back again. And we are thrown back into the dungeon deeper and deeper. We lose sight completely and feel that this never ending saga is a permanent affair. We might decide to give up and let go of the battle completely as there is no energy left.

What we do not realize in this process is that we are not really fighting the problem but we are fighting with time. And one thing is certain that time is always victorious. Trying to solve a problem with the time is not appropriate is a futile attempt. In fact it aggravates the problem, makes it worse, renders us devoid of energy and finally we give up. Time moves on but we don't. Because time decimates us. We are left behind with the problem and time continues.

Consider an analogy where you are inside a dark tunnel and trying to find your way out. There is no way you can cross the tunnel till you actually walk the entire path. There are no shortcuts. If you make an attempt to get out in the middle it will be an impossible mission. The only wise thing that you can do is to wait and walk the path and let the circumstances be the way they are. Don't resist them, don't fight them nor indulge with them. Just observe and walk the path. Do not react or try to change anything anywhere. You may stop for a minute to give your humble opinion or suggestion but you should keep walking. Because your only solace and light is in walking all the way out of the tunnel.

This tunnel is the Time. And you cannot escape the force of time. If time ordains, things will be the way they were supposed to be. And our attempt to change things will worsen the situation even more as your action is against the force of time. And remember, Time is always victorious.Time will decimate you if you decide not to flow with it.

When the time is right, everything will change automatically without our intervention effortlessly. Because we have walked out of the tunnel now. We are thrown into a new surrounding. The sun shines and the flowers are blooming once again. And now, we don't even need to fight the problem anymore as Time has decimated the problem.

Either you allow time to decimate you or decimate the problem. By fighting the problem at an inappropriate time, you allow time to annihilate yourself. By allowing time to take its course and not trying to solve the problem at the wrong time, you allow time to obliterate the problem completely. So the choice is yours.

I would like to end this by quoting a beautiful statement made by J.Krishnamurti - "my secret is that I don't mind what happens".

Reminds me of a Zen koan

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbours as one living a pure life.
A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child.
This made her parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.
In great anger the parent went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say.
After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbours and everything else he needed.
A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth - the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fishmarket.
The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back.
Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?"

Have you made enough deposits?

In relationships, there are expectations and when there are expectations it leads to trouble. But what forms the basis of the trouble? It is not the negation of expectations but rather an absence of positive assertiveness, a sense of showering on the other person that leads to trouble.

Even if all expectations are met, the "dil maange more". So meeting expectations may not suffice and may not be the panacea for all issues in relationships. To maintain a good relationship, you need to make deposits.

Just like a bank account, you make deposits and you can withdraw only when you have enough money in the account; similarly in a relationship you need to make positive actions to surpass the expectations of the other person. And in return what you get is something remarkable. You get a free leash to break some expectations if they are deemed reasonable.

So for a healthy relationship, instead of trying to find out what other persons expectations are, one should go above and beyond meeting those expectations to create enough deposits. And once that trust is established, you carry with you the freedom to withdraw from your responsibilities temporarily if it is needed due to various reasons.

The effortless effort

As I was understanding more and more about the process of enlightenment or self realization, it occurred to me that dropping the mind and body idea is the key.

But what about the baggage? The years and years of karmic baggage that we have carried since time immemorial; what to do about it? Can that be ignored completely. I am not sure about it.

For e.g. I can spend the entire day in a void; where I have to think only when there is a need. Otherwise there is no thinking. But it seems that thoughts seem to rise every now and then but they wither apart in the light of this grand understanding. But where do these thoughts come from? And can there be real enlightenment in the presence of this reservoir? Do we have to completely empty this reservoir for enlightenment to happen?

I think that the reservoir has to be emptied. That is an absolute necessity. And to abide in this silence, to kill every thought is the process. This way the path becomes the goal. This then becomes the effortless effort. 

Why am I afraid to die?

Was pondering over this issue: why am I afraid to die?

If I ask myself a question: are you ready to die now? The answer would be a big NO...

Why? the reason is that I will miss so many things. I will miss my job, my wife, my family and all the enjoyment I have in life...I will miss everything. So definitely I want to continue living and enjoy life.

Will I be in the same situation 50 years from now. If I extrapolate, I am sure that would be the case. So don't we need a serious resolution into this matter. I started contemplating on this...

I don't want to die because I am afraid to lose the content of my consciousness. I am afraid to lose everything that I am attached to.

But what if the content of my consciousness is erased and still I continue to live in this world enjoying everything. Is that possible? I don't know. Because I have not experienced it. The idea is definitely entertaining because it puts an end to sorrow and misery once for all and at the same time does not deprive me from enjoying the world.

So if I can live and enjoy the world, without getting attached to anything, then the content of my consciousness will remain empty and the fear of death will disappear because I won't miss anything as I am not attached to anything.

How can this be achieved. Again - no technique. It will happen when it has to happen. If you have asked yourself this question: then your head is already in the tigers mouth. The process of this happening has begun...

Memory - The ultimate culprit

Have you ever asked yourself the question "Who am I". I know this is loaded with ideas from spiritual literature but leaving all that aside, if you ask yourself the question "Who am I", what would the answer be?

Let us not fool ourselves by saying that I am the spirit, I am the soul and all that. We do not know that, nor it is our experience. So for a lay man, what is the obvious answer.

If one investigates into this, one will realize that he is nothing but all his cumulative past knowledge in the form of memory. That includes everything - our guilts, jealousy, anger, desires, hate etc. All that is ME. As a matter of fact, when I utter the pronoun 'I', I mean all that. 'I' is nothing but a representative of my past memories.

This is exactly why, we do not experience anything in sleep. Sleep is a lapse in memory. Its an abyss that gets created naturally in the memory sequence.

So if I am the memory, then whatever I experience in this world is seen through a screen of that memory. I cannot experience anything new, because the memory interferes with the perception process. Perception is always muddled.

Now the question is: how can one be free from memory at the time of perception but still have the memory for reasons obvious. Without memory I cannot function in this world. I need to know how to play tennis or how to go from A to B and for that I need knowledge, I need memory. But I do not want this to interfere in the process of my perception. How can this be achieved?

I was watching J Krishnamurti and he gave a hint in that regard. One has to observe without being the observer. The quality of brain that records cannot be stopped. But the quality of the brain that is passing judgments while the recording is going on, can be stopped.

So OBSERVE without being the OBSERVER and that will set us free. You may ask HOW? But there is no how for this. If you understand what it means, then it will start happening :)

Watch the Movie --- of your LIFE

Yesterday I was watching Dil Chahata Hai. As I was watching the movie and getting engrossed in it, I started thinking about the character Amir Khan was playing and got completely involved in the movie. Then after some time the movie ended.

Later a thought came to my mind. When the movie was going on, I was thinking about he movie. Most of my thoughts were the movie thoughts. It was as if I forgot who I was and started relating with the characters in the movie. But now I am thinking about the myself and the world surrounding me.

So what is the difference between the thoughts related to the characters in the movie and the thoughts related to this identity 'Aditya'. Aren't both these thoughts of similar kind. Don't I get emotional or laugh when certain scenes play in the movie. And similarly don't I get emotional or rejoice when certain events take place in my life.

So is it fair enough the conclude that even our life is a movie. A slightly long movie - longer than Dil Chahata Hai. But still it is a movie.

I found one common factor though between me watching Dil Chahata Hai and me watching my LIFE. That common factor was myself, the witness. And so I think that if I find this witness or know this witness, I might be able to know myself as the eternal witness who is beyond these movies that are playing all the time.

So I decided to dedicate reasonable amount of time in this quest to discover this witness and enjoy all the movies in PEACE and BLISS

I am the World and the World is Me

Was watching J Krishmaurti's lecture yesterday and would like to summarize the content of the lecture....
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We have created all the mess in the world. The human being has created the society in which we live. And if we want to change the society then each human being needs to change. Only the inner transformation can bring about the outer change. Any attempt made to change the outer things would be superficial and futile.

So if the individual needs to change then what exactly needs to happen? Firstly the individual who is fragmented needs to become a whole. Only when we are whole, we become holy. If such a change needs to happen, does this change depend on time or knowledge.

Let us analyze this. If transformation had to depend on time, then it would suggest that the transformation is a gradual evolution. It means that something would slowly change into something else. This cannot be true, because change that is based on time is not a complete change, its an endless process. Hence the change that we are talking of now should be a non-temporal change.

Does this change depend on knowledge? If this change would depend on knowledge, then it would have happened by now. We have plethora of information in our heads but that has not caused a transformation in our psyche. It has added more words but has not brought about a feeling of goodness and peace.

Another important point here is that knowledge is the past. And if we were to depend on the past for a change NOW, then that would be something impossible as when we rely on the past, we are not really changing NOW but rather superimposing the past in the NOW. Thus we conclude that past knowledge is not a means to cause a radical transformation.

So the transformation in the psyche we are talking about, does not depend on knowledge or time.

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This is a catch 22. If this transformation does not depend on knowledge or time, then what are we supposed to do. Opps, I cannot even ask this question as doing is an action where time is involved. And the intent of doing involves knowledge. Both are futile. Will update this blog as JK elucidates more on this intriguing topic.

No Self

Who knows the self
Ofcourse I dont
If someone says he can
Be very clear, he won't

As the self cannot be known
It is not the known
It is that potentiality
Through which everything gets known

It is beyond the triad
It is beyond everything
Because it is not a thing
But the source of all the things

It is the source
The supreme source of all
The infinite and eternal
Beyond the world wall

So the self does not exist
Very contradictory indeed!
But is that ultimate cause
For every word, thought and deed

I cannot know the self
As I am that self
The self can only be
Aware of itself

The Self

Whence from this has come
Whence will this go
Nobody knows
Because there is nobody

All that is seen
Is the seer itself
How can seen exist
Without the volition of the seer

Seer rises with the body's birth
And sets with the body's death
After that there is no seer
Because there is no seen

All the drama of life
Is nothing but a play
Of that indivisible truth
In the form of consciousness

Body is a vehicle of consciousness
Without the body what is consciousness
When the body is not
There is no consciousness

What remains then
Is it nothing
Who knows that its nothing
God bet you, its ME

I am here always
Shining in my own glory
I need no body
Nor i need consciouness

I am not this or that
I dont know what I am
All I can say in words
Is that "I am"

But "I am" is insufficient
To describe my state
How can a experience
Give testimony for existence

Who Am I

A thought came to my mind
Introspection was its kind
I started thinking 'Who am I'
Pondering with a deep sigh

To God, I went and asked
Your question he said was masked
He said it lacked the zest
Let the question become a quest

I contemplated even more
But all I got was bored
I let go everything in frustration
And gave my mind a vacation

Suddenly I realized in awe
The things I never saw
My being was burning with quest
In 'Who am I' I felt the unrest

I approached God once more
To hear the divine galore
You tell me he said
Of what stuff are you made?

Sometimes I feel I am this
Other times I feel I am that
I am utterly confused I said
I don't know what stuff I am made

Ponder little more he said
You will catch the thread
This or that will change in time
Find out who you were all this while

I jumped in joy and exclaimed
Now I know of what I am made
This and that are the objects
And I am the observer witness

Don't conclude so fast he said
Use intelligence as your aid
Witness disappears in sleep or swoon
Its just a finger pointing to the moon

If I am not the subject
And I am not the object
What is it that remains
For me to make a claim?

The witness you are not
The object you are not
You are that declutched space
Which is the supreme base

How to know this space
Oh God, please shower your grace
The more I try to know
The farther that I go

Just don't try to know
Be declutched and you will grow
To experience the consciousness flow
In the divine show

Declutched I try to be
Whenever I remember to see
Waiting for the ego to peel
For the God in me to reveal